♕ RULES OF THE NATURE ARE FAIR AND CRUEL. —

[kaleb]

The state of the battlefield was worse than he imagined.

In a way, he was paying for his own incompetence.

Perhaps he failed on his leadership, or something more. Kaleb was currently kneeling on the ground, overpowered by the being he was supposed to be stronger — infinitely better than, or at least it was what he was taught.

Ah, angels were such disgusting beings. He could see the other male, azure eyes that mirrored nothing but insanity. The few information he was able to gather about Asgard told an interesting tale - on how the mad leader of the angels ruled the whole world with cruelty that far surpassed his, on how people blindly followed - adored a being that they saw as a god.

- “…”



As for him, it felt as if he was fighting against the ghost of his long deceased father. Tière Aaldenberg was one of the many things his father died and just left for Kaleb to deal with - a war that wasn’t his, a kingdom that he never wanted, responsibilities that should have been thrown to his older brother. If things worked as intended, would it be Svein kneeling on the ground instead of him, or would that trash for a person be somewhere else?

It was these kind of thoughts that made him avoid looking at the situation at hand, although the other tyrant’s voice brought him back.

He was mocking Kaleb. For several minutes now, even. A hand grabbing his hair and forcing him to look up and stare, waiting for any signs of fight inside the crimson king.

“I expected more from you, you know. Being the son of that man.”

But there was only silence. He failed, and now he quietly was waiting death. That is what it means to die on the battlefield - that is what you get for making mistakes.

It seems that this fact only angered the other male more, as he felt Tière’s grip on his hair tighten and force his head to an uncomfortable-almost impossible-position. Words that seemed more like poison invaded his ears despite the constant attempts to block them out.

“Oh, I forgot. You don’t like to be compared, no? I wonder, what was like living on the shadow of the person who hated you all along? You’re nothing but trash, Kaleb Blackwood. You have this position because no one else wants to. You are there even though he never, ever liked you.

“Jörn Blackwood’s son”, how does it feel to be compared to your father all the time?”

And then he could hear laughter. He was laughing at him - as he always was - diminishing Kaleb and rubbing at his face how worthless and incompetent he was.

How he was the son of that whore of a woman - one that his father only kept at his side to produce his heirs and then forget all about his existence - how he was foolish to cling on to his mother as they were both completely dejected as his father kept giving attention to his brother, how he cried when his mother died in front of him, how he was the one to bear this burden and how he FAILED MISERABLY AND HE WAS MAKING SURE KALEB WAS AWARE OF IT by suddenly forcing his head down and stare at his own blood on the floor - armor mangled and laughter echoing around him.

He would never stop.

They would never stop.

The world would never stop pointing at his failure and how his father would never do something like this.

“So I am going to give you a gift! It would be boring to end you now and miss the chance of stepping on your shattered pride later… so I am going to make you even more similar to the person you hate. How about that?

I am sure that this is something you are dying for, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

It was a spy. They probably had a spy somewhere inside his kingdom for all these years(despite Kaleb’s efforts on keeping an eye out for them, eliminating every single threat and anyone that seemed suspicious). It was how he had so much information about him, and the demon was left in the dark about his enemies abilities that weren’t included in old reports.

That was why Kaleb was in this situation right now.

He left no room for the albino to react, still holding his hair and forcing his head still, now upwards again. For the demon to always look up at him, for he to…

… look? He was at a loss. His hands - his fingers were dangerously close to Kaleb’s right eye, nails touching his skin gently… for a single second.

What was happening made a scream escape his lips. He could feel fingers invading his body - almost as if they wanted to reach his skull and crush him and they kept reaching out and curling around what it may be his eye and—

- “N…no, wha… what are you doing. Stop.

No. I don’t want this. Stop…. I TOLD YOU TO STOP,

I—”

— pulling it out. He was going to die, he was definitely going to die because he did not want to be alive right now this was far too humiliating this was far too cruel he did not he did not want this he did

there was blood everywhere he could feel his mind going blank he could feel despair he could feel himself being completely overwhelmed;

And then the other was yelling, completely ignoring his plea.

“YES, SCREAM FOR ME. THAT IS WHAT I WANT TO HEAR OF YOU. SCREAM AS YOU REALIZE HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE.

SCREAM FOR YOUR DEAD MOTHER, SCREAM FOR ALL THE DREAMS THAT THEY SHATTERED, SCREAM LIKE THEY NEVER ALLOWED YOU TO.

YOU ARE JUST FUCKING PATHETIC, KALEB BLACKWOOD.

YOU ARE A DISAPPOINTMENT, JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER TOLD YOU SEVERAL TIMES.

IT IS A MIRACLE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE NOW, TRASH."

No response. His own face was covered in blood, brain screaming that something went terribly, terribly wrong as his empty eye socket seemed to throb as to warn him for the obvious lack of eye - and his vision went dizzy for a second.

He wanted to black out and simply stop responding, but the man forced himself to stay conscious just because he wasn’t allowed to do something like ‘lose consciousness’. What kind of a king, what kind of a person would he be?? Such words kept resounding on his head all the time.

… Ah.

“Retreat, all troops retreat!! We are not wasting time with this any longer.

I hope you are happy with this, Kaleb Blackwood.”

Ah no.

His mind ignored, but his body finally reacted to the situation.

- “Ur—rr——”

There was now vomit next to his knees and boots, mixing with blood and leaving a fairly unpleasant noise in the air. Even if there wasn’t anything he could do about it… and even if the situation was about to get worse, face wet with tears, sweat and blood.

“We found him!! Call Cantorix over, it’s an order!”

No, no he could not see him in this state, no.

He could not see Kaleb because he failed he failed failed failed failed failed he will get angry but then again it is all his fault it was all all all of it was his fault he was incompetent he was prepared for the punishment but even so even so he was scared he was shaking in pure fear even if he was screaming in pain again he barely reacted but now he was trembling violently be it by blood loss or fear or both or

… his hand kept covering the right part of his face, desperately trying to cover the lack of his eye and not trying to show how bad his injuries really were; he would have to apologize he was already apologizing as Alistair gradatively came close to him please don’t come near me I am sorry I promise I will do better next time I won’t fail you I am not a failure I am not I am not I am sorry I am not

am

I———

- “Aa…aah…. I’m sorry… Alistair…”

Comments

[kaleb]

- "Ah..."

It was a strange sensation. As if he was losing something... as if he could not understand what kind of expressions his teacher was making. The fact that he knew Alistair so well, and never once the feeling between them reached this point.
Never once Alistair seemed to react so negatively over what he had said several times. It was Kaleb's responsibility, this much he had been taught. But the other male seemed to disregard his own teachings for a reason the king could not exactly know why.
It made his chest hurt.
He had been able to keep these feelings locked away, suppressed for so many years. Kaleb knew this was a pointless battle, one that he had lost before he even started. At some point, he simply accepted his position as a pawn, as a toy to be manipulated. As long as he could be with Alistair, that'd be enough. He had no need for anything else.
Kaleb could play and dance to his teacher's tunes as long as the company was offered to him. He was fine being whatever Alistair wanted him to be, knowing that he had no future otherwise. As someone who was just supposed to be left to rot alone, having no one to cling to... his warped admiration for Alistair turned into something else. Something...

- "...Please, wait."

Attempts to make his feelings clear to this man had been made. Several times, even. With each followed a greater deception, a bigger gap forming between them. Would there be a time where... Alistair would simply find no more use to Kaleb?
Thoughts like that insisted on reappearing, based on his odd behavior.
It would be just a repetition of feelings that were already clear.
If he wanted to dispose him, having failed as a King... that'd be fine.
That'd be just fine.

- "I have... something I'd like you to hear."

Something foolish. Something Alistair had no reason to care about, no reason to... but it was threatening to strangle him, that weird feeling of something wrapping up on his throat and clouding his judgement. If he died back then, perhaps it'd have been better.



- "I am... a foolish student."

How could he word it? He'd always remember when he first said this to him,only to be punished in order for such feelings to disappear immediately.

- "After all this time... I was scared. Not because I would die.
Not because I could die there, not because of the humiliation that I went through.

I was scared that you'd meet me in such a state and reject me. If such a thing happened, I...
... I would not know what to do. If, on that moment..."

He seemed to stop what he wanted to say, closing his eyes before looking down at his bed. The scenes of the battle were much more vivid on his mind now, along with the strong feeling of failure that seemed to pull him down even more.
It was a harsh defeat.
No, more than that... he had lost something he could never replace.

- "I'm horrified with the idea of losing you. I wanted you to find me, to know that you were alive... but I was shaking with fear with the idea of you looking down on me.
I was afraid of failing you like I did. That was my greatest fear. I was afraid of the punishment, I was scared just by daring to think of your reactions...

... but you comforted me."

He wanted to cry. Kaleb knew that Alistair did that to shut up, but he could not exactly forget what had been said to him.

- "I... to be honest, I don't know what I want to do anymore. I am not scared of dying."

It was something he longed for since a long time ago.

- "...But I am scared of losing something that I love. Do you understand?
I tried many, many times to not let you become my weakness. To not let these feelings get the best out of me, as you have said more than once. But I...
... It's not something I think I can do. I have felt like this for a long, long time.
I am not suited to be your King."

... He swallowed before speaking, feeling his throat tighten again.

- "... Because I love you. Because I have such strong feelings for you - because I always had such strong feelings for you, I have always allowed you to do as you pleased with me.
I was satisfied with that.
I would gladly give up my own life, I would gladly give up on everything if that meant making you happy, Alistair.
But this is... not something I believe I can give up on.

These pathetic feelings of mine towards you. I wanted to make them clear once more. Because I believe that... had you not appeared back then, had you not stayed by my side...."

He opened his mouth again, as if trying to finish this sentence. '...I'd rather have died', that is.
... But he already said too much.

- "...No. I'm sorry. You should go.
I'm sorry. Forget what I said. It's... not that important."